Threads of Knowledge

I finished my 60th square today, which means I am officially one-third finished with my afghan. I try not to think about the 121 squares remaining, instead measuring my progress by what I've completed rather than what I haven't, lest the task seem overwhelming. Two a day here, three a day there seems much more attainable.

God, in His omniscience, reveals knowledge to us in pieces, just as a teacher breaks down a lesson into parts. If the teacher presented the whole concept at once, the student would be overwhelmed and confused because he wouldn't have sufficient knowledge to understand it. Piece by piece, God has been giving us the threads of knowledge about His plan and purpose, both for our own lives and for mankind. My pastor wove some of those threads together cleverly like this: Jesus is predicted in the Old Testament, revealed in the Gospels, proclaimed in Acts, explained in the Epistles, and expected in Revelation. Even still we don't have all the threads.

Job 42:3 "You [the Lord] asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I [Job] spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know."

There are unknowns in my life. Sure I've gathered a few threads in my short time on earth, and maybe if I wove them together I could make one granny square. But I wait for the day when I'll get to see the whole afghan.

1 Cor 13:12 "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

Step Out

My yarn crocheting took a trip to the dog park with me and Lina this afternoon. As I sat on the bench working, a little black dog came over and drooled on my yarn bag, and a big fluffy white dog put his head in my lap to sniff my hook. While the other dogs romped and ran around, Lina stuck close by, nearly jumping into Momma's lap when another dog first approached. Gradually her circles of exploration widened, but even after some coaxing she was not willing to go far or engage with the other dogs in their joyous play.

I'm so guilty of this. A cautious, practical nature makes for a limited comfort zone, one I'm not willing to step out of very often. How many times have I missed out on joy, or even disobeyed God by not stepping out in faith? God's been working on this aspect of my life over the last few years, but square #53 was still a prayer for faith, boldness, and confidence to cross that line.

Detail Oriented

My brain is on information overload, and my time with God as I crochet now is allowing for some much needed processing time. This weekend I was deep in research for a new project, and now, back at the office this morning, I was swamped in emails and calls to be returned, updates to make, registrations to change, and a thousand other details which consume head space. The upside is that I feel productive, and when the details start to overwhelm me, I comfort myself that just I'm patterned after my creator.

God is detail oriented too. One look around nature is enough to confirm that. Or take the Old Testament instructions regarding the tabernacle:

"Make a curtain of blue, purple, and scarlet yarn and finely twisted linen, with cherubim worked in. Hang it with gold hooks on four posts of acacia wood overlaid with gold and standing on four silver bases." (Exodus 26:31-32)

Read the full account and you might be overwhelmed too! I love that God's character values detail, how He considers it important to do the little things right and well. (It's the same reason I rip out a whole row of stitches to fix the mistake I made in the square 10 minutes ago). When I look at my day in this light, the information overload seems less like a thousand burdens and more like a thousand opportunities to glorify God.

So I finished with a clearer mind and with a blue, purple, and scarlet "tabernacle" square, patterned after God's own details.

Remember

I recently had a “I could kick myself” moment. Friday evening I worked late, and when I finally got back to my place to grab my stuff on my way out, I told myself, don’t forget to bring your yarn because you need to work on it this weekend to keep on schedule. The yarn lay innocently under my bed as I grabbed my clothes, my purse, some other necessities, and then promptly walked off with the very item I was so anxious to remember. Clearly the weariness of a full work week was taking its toll on my mental acuity. I was ten minutes out, past the bumpy gravel road, when my oversight hit me. I immediately turned around, and though I was glad to have remembered as soon as I did, I was not thrilled about retracing my path. Twenty minutes later, I was back on the road for my 45 minute commute.

I was annoyed with myself for being so forgetful and irrationally irritated with the inanimate object responsible for my delay. I have those times when I think, I should have known that or why didn’t I remember that? How often I forget God’s promises and what He has done in my life. I beat myself up a little when I think, God provided for me before. Why didn’t I remember that in this latest time of need? Or, if only I’d remembered His promise in this current situation! At least I’m not alone in this. The Israelites, who had more tangible signs from God, were constantly forgetting about His provision, protection, and deliverance.

Psalm 106:7a-8, 12-13, 21a “When our fathers were in Egypt, they gave no thought to your miracles; they did not remember your many kindnesses, yet he saved them for his name’s sake, to make his mighty power known… Then they believed his promises and sang his praise. But they soon forgot what he had done and did not wait on his counsel… They forgot the God who saved them, who had done great things in Egypt.”

Forgetfulness leads to ungratefulness. I don’t want to be guilty of the same sin, so square #37 was a tribute of remembrance to God’s character, His past reliability, and His present promises.

To Will and To Act

It was late by the time I got to my afghan, and I collapsed on the bed after a long day. The weariness had reached my feet but not my fingers. They worked away while I thought about Awana this evening. Council time had been the first installment of the Easter story, and the leader asked the kids what they thought Jesus was praying about in the Garden of Gethsemene. One of my favorite little boys, his brow serious in thought, raised his hand and said, “He was praying that the things which were about to happen would go by fast.”

Such insight from a seven year-old stuck with me as I drove home and worked on square #29. I’d never thought of it before, yet it’s such a realistic human response. Who would wish to prolong pain? The amazing part is that Jesus knew what pain imminently awaited him, yet he still prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42).

I too pray that God would take away pain or change difficult circumstances, yet I have to admit to the hypocrisy in my own life of when I say, “Your will be done,” but am not willing to obey when that will is difficult or painful. God, give me the courage and sincerity to say “Your will be done” when it means taking the narrow, rocky path. I trust that You have a good purpose for it. But Lord, when those times come, may they pass quickly!

Eye of the Beholder

Today was full of the splendor of spring. After I got off work (if one could call riding horses all day in beautiful weather “work”) I took my yarn outside and sat until dusk, enjoying the extra light that daylight savings time afforded. I am so blessed to live in such a beautiful place, and as I listened to the turkeys gobbling (yes, that’s right) and the deer creeping cautiously past, square #26 was a praise for God’s creativity and the beauty of nature. I hummed a few strains of the old song:

O Lord, you’re beautiful
Your face is all I seek
And when your eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me.

When I finished that square, I looked down and saw a pink rose in my hands. I hadn’t chosen colors or their order with this in mind, but there it was. Maybe it’s a feminine tendency, but I love beautiful things. So I decided that squares #27 and #28 would also be roses – roses for two beautiful women God put in my life. Both have modeled to me authentic, active faith, and have poured the love of God into my life. Sometimes I wonder why they chose me, but I’m so glad they did, because theirs is the beauty that truly inspires.

1 Sam 16:7b “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Anywhere or Solitaire

All is quiet as I sit on my bed, except for the faint rumblings of the heater. It’s Sunday, my “day off” from crocheting, and everything else, but I’ve pulled out my yarn anyways to unwind before bed. I’m pretty sure that crocheting will still qualify as “resting” on the Sabbath. I have a lot to chew on from church this morning and youth group this evening, and my mind is aimlessly busy.

How glad I am to be alone at this moment. I didn’t anticipate how hard it would be to concentrate as I work on this project. I’m often surrounded by people and activity as I pray, and I also have to multitask by counting my stitches. The good thing is it’s teaching me the reality of praying anywhere, anytime. When I was a kid I had this pious notion that prayer had to be long to be good. These days, I find that sincere simplicity and brevity is sometimes more authentic than long-winded eloquence. I’ve learned that my “flare prayers” (as a friend called them) during conversations are equally valid.

But tonight, the struggle against distraction was only from myself. How easy it is to fill up time with other things. I resisted even turning on some music, taking full advantage of the luxury of solitude that allowed me to focus. My single, solitaire square, with a simple thanks for the stillness, seemed apt.

Note: You may notice that the day this was posted is not Sunday. By way of explanation, my posts are usually a few days behind when they were written.

Playful Pets

The two white balls of fluff that are my grandparents’ Pomeranians were quite interested in my crocheting as I started square #17, and they were distracting as I tried to think about what I wanted to pray for. BeBe gave a startled jump as a ball of yarn rolled off my lap, hit the floor, and bounced towards her. Lily, however, wasted no time in making off with the ball in her mouth – a drive-by kidnapping. When I set my crocheting down to jump up and get my camera, she trotted around the room, my hook clinking on the hardwood floor behind her.

These playful antics are similar to those of my cats at home. Tiki tangles with the ball of yarn on the living room floor while Samantha looks on from my lap, serving as a soft work table. Both contribute to my work by shedding their white and black hair into the weaving process. Samantha frequently enjoys the comforts of my last afghan, which adorns my bed and serves as a “time-to-cut-the-claws” indicator.

Once my yarn had been safely retrieved from the white jaws of death, I sat down with a smile to finish my square. Thank you, Lord, for the little joys and pleasures of pets.

Ocean Meditations

My crocheting came with me on a day trip into Santa Cruz. The yarn rolled around my feet as my friend drove the winding road through the redwoods. My progress was stop and go as I took breaks to look up and watch the road, fending off car sickness.

It was a beautiful day, and the beach and boardwalk were empty as I strolled along the shore. I love the sights and sounds of the ocean – the lulling crashing of waves and the swish of water over sand. Its immensity never ceases to amaze me, and in that moment I thought, “I forget how big God is.”

Job 38:8, 10-11 “Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt’?”

When I consider how God created and controls the vastness of the ocean, I realize how small my faith is that I don’t trust his power over my problems. So square #14 was born in a splash of blue, green, and foamy aqua, an ocean in yarn to remind me of the immeasurable greatness of my God.

Matthew 8:26-27 “He replied, ‘You of little faith, why are you so afraid?’ Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, ‘What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!’”

The Great Cover-Up

I pulled the ball of mustard goldenrod out of my bag for square #12 and viewed it with distaste. The old yarn is downright ugly, but I needed to use it up. So, I crocheted a small circle and then surrounded it with a pretty pink and purple. Maybe, if I sandwich the ugly yarn with the pretty, no one will notice the cover-up...except me. I'll know it's there.

My grandpa said this morning, "The world only knows us by what we choose to show of ourselves." I have to admit I've got some ugly yarns in my life that I don't want others to see - we all do. Sometimes those yarns get exposed; other times we hide them for years behind a facade of superficially pretty colors. I've often felt a guilty embarrassment when others praise me or think I'm so good. Don't you know that I'm no better - that I struggle just like anybody else?

To quote Pride and Prejudice, "One has all the goodness and the other all the appearance of it." God has all the goodness, and I have just the appearance of it. I can't hide my ugly yarns from Him. The truly good news is that God uses our weaknesses to further His purposes. Our failings don't change His sovereignty or His love for us. What we call ugly, God calls beautiful; what we call weak, God makes strong; what we call worthless, God considers priceless.

So for square #13 I deliberately picked out clashing colors - neon purple, red, and multi-colored brown/green/blue. My artistic sensibilities cringed at the combination, but that square was going to be a necessary part of the final picture. And this is my prayer, "Lord, thank you for loving me despite my weaknesses. May they be used to glorify you."

2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Color Connotations

My yarn kept me company this afternoon during some relaxing free time. Despite some good teaching and community in the midst of this conference, I was feeling somewhat down; the odd one out. I pulled out my small ball of yellow for square #9, which reminded me of bright cheeriness. I am not a yellow person - this coincides with my serious, reserved nature. The only reason I even have this yarn is because Momma dug it out of the cluttered recesses of our basement to add to my stash.

Today, yellow made me feel better, but also reminded me of how critical and negative my attitudes tend to be. Recently, God has been exposing this flaw, so my prayer was, "Lord, teach me to be yellow - bright, positive, and bringing light to others."

Colors have connotations for me. As I decided on a scheme for square #11, praying for my boss and his family, I kept seeing a vineyard, and chose colors accordingly. They got extra prayer because I kept making mistakes and having to go back and fix them. When I saw my boss's wife a short time later and showed her their square, she exclaimed, "Purple and green are my favorite colors!" I'd had no idea. But God obviously did, and not surprisingly, when God directs my plans and hands, he has a special purpose.

Scraps of Life

My first several squares are getting to see the world as they accompany me on a roadtrip to a job conference. No doubt they'll tell their younger counterparts about these good old days in a few weeks. Square # 7 was born on the way, bound with a prayer for safe travel. Though portable, it necessitated the bringing of a scrapload of colors, the bag of which had its own seat in the back.

I wasn't intending to make a scrap afghan. The vision of my grandma's mismatched, black framed version wasn't appealing. No - it was a neatly coordinated pattern I had in mind, until I came across a striking picture that changed my plans. The hats and hotpads I'd made recently had hardly made a dent in my leftover yarn, so scrap afghan it was.

The truth is, I try to do the same thing with my life. I try to control and coordinate, organize and match. The problem is, it still seems to turn out a mess sometimes. I'm learning that if I bring my scraps to God, He will weave them into something beautiful.

Rosary of Yarn

I embarked on my third afghan venture on Saturday after two glorious hours lost in the craft store. Every time I visit, I enter with peaceful anticipation, peruse the colorful yarns and fabrics in wistfulness or indecision, and exit drowning in creative juices.

After a brief hiatus of recovery from my last afghan, I was ready to take another one on. With every project I do, I try to learn a new stitch or pattern, and granny squares have been on my list ever since I started crocheting. Being the nerd that I am, my brain soon jumped to the mathematical possibilities involved in setting a goal for completion. I knew I wanted to finish it by summer, when my job would get busy, fast. So I worked it out:

72 days (12 weeks, six days a week)
181 granny squares
= about 2.5 squares a day

Finishing what I started has never been difficult for me; I’ve always been a self-motivated perfectionist, so the prospect of this neat calculation, while satisfying, held no particular challenge. And then, it occurred to me: what if I put the same kind of time, effort, enthusiasm, and persistence into my prayer life as I did into a mere hobby? Here was an area in which I could benefit from some discipline and perseverance; this could make something mindless, meaningful.

Handmade afghans are heirlooms, and there is something special about the thought of every square representing time spent in a conversation with the Lord, representing the pieces of my life brought before Him. In this way, I could weave a memory rather than just an antique.

This is the beginning of my rosary of yarn, the story of my prayers and squares.